


We're A Complicated Nation

by TazersKaner (msrogersstark)



Series: Broken [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Maple Leafs, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1392817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/TazersKaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pressure comes from within, comes from outside, it comes from everywhere. I think the amount of pressure you put on yourself to perform is really and truly who you have to answer to."</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're A Complicated Nation

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because of the Leafs 8th straight loss.  
> \--  
> The quote in the summary is something Randy Carlyle said after the Blues game earlier this week  
> \--  
> TRIGGERS: Panic Attack  
> \--  
> Title from Adam Lambert's song: Strut

"Have you ever actually done this before?" Phil asked, standing next to Dion while he was supposedly helping Joffrey. 

"Shut up!" Dion looked up at Phil and the loud noise started Joffrey crying again. 

"Lupes. It's ok." Dion murmured, holding the forward to his chest. "It's me, it's Dion. I swear you're ok. Everything is ok."

None of them had expected this. Sure, tempers were running high and there was the occasional screaming match in the dressing room but nothing like this had happened before. Joffrey had looked sick during the press scrum and Dion saw it coming before it happened.

Joffrey pitched forward off the bench and started to sob. Dion had jumped to his aid while Bozie gather the guys away from him. Dion had let Phil hang around because he figured Phil would just worry. Bozie hung back, assuming everything was ok. He was mostly right. Dion had been in this situation once before. His teammate had done this once on the ice after a loss in Calgary but he'd never expected this to happen to Joffrey of all people. Lupes was his confidant and friend and he was sitting on the ground shaking and sobbing while Dion was completely helpless. 

Bernie and Reims walked over.   
"You're doing the right thing, Dion. Try to make him feel your heart beat and match it." James instructed. 

Dion took Joffrey's hand gently, trying to not scare him and place it on his heart. He took his other hand and placed it on his own heart. 

"Can you hear me, Lupes?" 

Joffrey nodded quickly. 

"Good. Now try and calm your breathing to match my own." 

Lupes closed his eyes and nodded again. 

"In and out. In and out. In and out." 

Joffrey followed his commands, slowing his rushed breathing substantially. 

"You're doing so good, Lupes. So good." 

Joffrey sucked in one long breath. 

"Yeah, just like that." Dion coached. "I'm so  _proud_  of you." 

Joffrey's face went blank when he said proud, and he looked like he was about to cry. 

"That's a trigger word." Reims spoke up. "Stay away from it." 

"What are you, a fucking psychologist?" Dion retorted but he stayed away from the word. 

 

Once Lupes had finished crying, he was in no state to walk around, much less drive. Even though he was doing ok now, Joffrey didn't move away from Dion. When Reims returned, now fully showered and changed he told Dion that he should probably get Joffrey out of here before he had another "episode". Still, Joffrey stayed close enough that he was always touching Dion. He seemed content like that and Dion didn't really have to try hard to enjoy it. 

Lupes was able to dress himself, something Dion wasn't looking forward to doing. When they reached Dion's car, Joffrey being in no place to drive, Lupes simply uttered, "I just had a panic attack." Before getting very quiet and not saying a word all the way home.

Joffrey had been to Dion's countless times and he knew exactly where Dion kept his alcohol. That was the first place he headed. 

"No." Dion put an arm out to stop Joffrey. "You can have gatorade." 

He handed him a blue one and walked with him back to the kitchen. 

"Did someone, um, say something to you in the press scrum?" Dion asked, once they were seated at the kitchen table. 

"They said lots of things. Why?" Joffrey sipped his gatorade and Dion knew that Joffrey was avoiding things. 

"I want to know what caused you to panic." 

"Don't you see, Dion? Everyone hates us. I mean, we haven't lost 8 games since 1985, like that's a long time ago. What if we don't make the playoffs this year? What if if we don't win again? What if we lose all the fans?" 

Dion could start to see Joffrey getting worked up again and he didn't need that. "Stop, Lupes. Don't do that to yourself." He laid a hand on Joffrey's shoulder and he flinched away. 

Joffrey drank his gatorade, eyes turned away from Dion, trying not to cry again. Dion sighed. 

"The guest room is all yours when you want it." He told Joffrey before getting up and walking into his own bedroom. 

 

Dion woke up suddenly when he heard a loud sob from the room next to his. He pulled on a pair of pants to go investigate. He rushed to Joffrey's side and sat down on the bed. Joffrey had managed to work himself into a tizzy again. 

"Come here." Dion pulled him close and lay down. Joffrey curled into his arms, back pressed against Dion's muscular chest. "I've got you. I'm right here." 

Joffrey closed his eyes. "Sleep." Dion urged. He stroked a hand up and down Joffrey's back and side, trying to calm him. 

Joffrey's panic subsided quicker this time and he rolled over in Dion's arms, tucking his head under Dion's chin. His hair tickled Dion's chin a little bit but Dion just smiled. 

 

Dion stayed off the topic of Panic Attacks with Joffrey until it was shoved in his face at practice the next afternoon. Joffrey tied his skates silently and worked almost too hard in the beginning drills. 

"Careful." Dion muttered, watching Joffrey push through two Dmen and line up a shot against Bernie. For all that he pushed, Joffrey looked worse than ever. His shot on Bernie was weak and went wide of the net. Joffrey swore and skated defeatedly back to the line. 

The problem came when Carlyle asked Dion, Joffrey and Bozie to come up and talk to the team. Joffrey opened his mouth to speak and suddenly had nothing to say. His heartbeat sped up and he couldn't move. Dion stepped forward, pushing Joffrey back a bit so he could lean on the boards and not fall over. Dion said something about teamwork and to keep trying or something, Joffrey wasn't exactly listening.

The team dispersed, most heading off the ice, some of them sticking around to work on certain things. Bozie sent Joffrey a concerned look and then headed off the ice to find Phil. Dion finished speaking to Carlyle and turned around to speak to Joffrey. 

"Uh, thanks." Joffrey mumbled as Dion got closer. 

"D'you think we should talk about what's going on with you?" Dion stopped barely a breath away from Joffrey. 

Joffrey sighed. "Not here." 

Dion crowded him against the boards. "Then come play keep-away with me and take your mind off things." 

"I'm going to kick your ass." Joffrey grinned, pushing away from Dion to go grab a puck.

 

When they got to Joffrey's place, he invited Dion inside. He grabbed two beers from the fridge and set one in front of Dion. 

"Should you really be drinking?" Dion asked, taking a sip of the beer. 

"Trust me, Dion." Joffrey looked at him over his own beer. "I've been through this before."

"You have?"

"It's triggered by stress. I'm normally able to hide it but with the press and the hate on Twitter and the fans booing-" He sighed. "It just got out of hand last night."

"I thought you were dying." Dion muttered. "I wish you'd told me."

"It's never been a problem before. No one needs to know if it's not a problem." Joffrey pointed out sheepishly. 

Dion sighed. "Are you going to be ok or should I stay tonight?" 

Joffrey didn't meet his eyes. "You don't have to stay. I'll be ok." 

They talked about Phil's dog for a while and contemplated his relationship with Tyler. 

"As fun as this has been," Dion said after they'd each drunk a couple of beers, "I should get going." 

"Thanks for taking care of me though." Joffrey smiled. "I'll see you at practice tomorrow."

"Lupes..." Dion paused at the door. 

"I'm ok." Joffrey assured him. "I'll be at practice tomorrow."

Dion nodded. "See you then."

 

Joffrey made it through the night and got to the rink early. He considered going to work out but decided instead to get ready and hit the ice early. Dion was the second one into the dressing room and he saw Joffrey's bag in his stall, empty of all it's gear. He dressed quickly and headed towards the ice. 

Joffrey stood at center ice, directly over the Leafs logo and stared up at the ceiling and the arena. Dion skated towards him, closing the door quietly. 

"I understand the pressure." Dion spoke quietly, placing his hand on Joffrey's shoulder. 

"I know." 

"D'you think they'll trade me? I'm sure they'll strip me of the C at least. They should give it to you. I've screwed up everything." 

"Hey," Joffrey turned around to look at him. "I don't know how long you've been playing this damn game but it's a team effort." 

"But I'm the captain. And I've been a shitty leader." 

"Don't do that to yourself." Joffrey fed Dion's words back to him. 

"You aren't alone." Dion told him.

"I know." Joffrey pulled him close and closed his mouth over Dion's. 

When they couldn't go without air for much longer, Joffrey pulled back. He looked directly into Dion's eyes.

"You and me, we're going to light this place up." 

**Author's Note:**

> Un-Beta'd


End file.
